A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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