getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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