How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
