ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize