You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
