I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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