Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
