I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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