i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
