He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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