Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
