Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
