his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think your dad took our porno
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
