she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
