Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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