I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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