dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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