I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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