My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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