You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
