I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
