this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
