I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
