I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
