So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
