hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
