chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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