he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just invented taco cereal.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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