Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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