I will die if light touches me.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
