Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
