I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
