It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
