yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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