Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
