Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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