Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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