Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
