Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
