where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
