69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i've created a new STD.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize