haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
