I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
