I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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