He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
