I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
