just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
