What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
