Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
