Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
