walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
