He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
