He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
