Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
