Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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