oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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