Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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