Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You need Xanax blowdarts
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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