when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
