My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize