Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Pooping to opera.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
