if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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