when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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