you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
