Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
