Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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