I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
