I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
