when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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