i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You smell like stripper and shame
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
