you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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