I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Say something about gay babies.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
